Our Last Consultation

As we write this part of our experience here at the Mayo clinic, our spirits are a little heavy. The doctor said that I do have MS. It is not attacking my brain, instead it is attacking my spine. You know, we did come here for honesty and for a diagnosis just as much as we came here for treatment. So, God did answer our prayers in this way. As far as treatment goes, it should have been treated years ago to stop the damage to my nerves. Now, the damage is done and there have not been any acute attacks for nine years. However, the doctor told us that our best form of treatment would be found in stem cell research. She told us that this is being researched in a big way and to watch for clinical trials. This is exciting, but it does involve some more waiting. She also said that since my brain has not being affected so much, my mind, my memory, my speech and my cognitive ability is not affected. As of right now, I know this is good but I can't really see how good this is because my legs are so bad. Mike said that it is better to have my upper body working so well because I can still do my things around the house and I can hold a cup and all that. I am wondering though why I would even bother wearing pants; it's not like I can walk around for people to notice what cool pants I am wearing. I say this because I notice what cool pants every one else is wearing. I guess I will just have to tell people that I am wearing cool pants. The doctor also said that I need to keep exercising, especially the muscles that are good. She said that I am very healthy in every other way so I need to keep that up. In the last 4 days, my husband and I have hung on to each other really tightly. We have cried and laughed and pondered. I want to tell you all that even though we are feeling a little overwhelmed right now, it is important for us to remember that God gave me a promise of healing and today does not change His plan. He has done some very beautiful things for us on this trip, especially between me and Mike. This in itself is a gift. So, as we wait for a clinical trial one day, we will learn how to deal with this. When I think about it, it should not be that hard because we have been doing it for years already. We just did not know what it was before. There is a Rascal Flatts song that says to take what you are given before it's gone. 3 years ago, I thought I felt pretty bad. I should have been more thankful at that time because I would give anything to go back to that point. Another song by Rascal Flatts ( yes, this is one of my favorite bands-if you ever get the chance to see them in concert, do it. They are incredible! I even got Mike singing some of their songs) says that you look up above and say you can't take anymore and then you dust yourself off and you stand. This is what we will try and do. The thing is that we can look back all we want and wish that we got better care from the doctors that we saw, but it would not have happened any differently because God was in control of all of it. Right now, I am talking like we are handling all of this really well. We are not there yet but we know the truth-God is in control and He wants the best for us. I don't know how this is good for me and Mike-AT ALL, but we are holding on to His promises to us. With all my heart, I believe that God did give me a promise of healing and we will not let go of that. It is easy to rationalize that away today, but I do feel God telling me to just wait a little longer. I am just not sure what His definition of "little" is. Mike's sister, my beautiful sister-in-law reminded us of a verse from Exodus 14:14. It says that God will fight our battles and we just need to be still. He is fighting this battle for us. We will go day by day and wait on Him. I also want to say that we could not have asked for a better doctor here at the clinic and we were treated so well by everyone. It is an amazing place and we are glad we came. We are thankful for all of your prayers and financial support. We could not have done any of this without you. We ask that you keep praying for us and wait on Him with us as His promise is fulfilled.